She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you never un-have a 4some
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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