Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
