Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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