it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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