At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
