Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
