I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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