I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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