I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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