I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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