Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize