Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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