True but thats because hes a fetus.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
