I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
