This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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