Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Semen is not good for contacts.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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