Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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