After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
