I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
