I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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