Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
