I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
