Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
