Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
