Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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