shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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