Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
