we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
