i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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