if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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