i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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