I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
