it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
