I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
