Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
