I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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