Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
