mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize