is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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