drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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