And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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