So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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