So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
