I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
