Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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