i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
