Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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