all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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