I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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