I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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