No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm really busy with my period
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