im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
