if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
