Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think my moral compass just broke
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
