I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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