When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
