What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
