what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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