I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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