what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
