ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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