You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize