Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you didnt know i had herpes?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
