Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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