I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
