I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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