Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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