She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
