The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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