I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
