Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize