So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
